Love Is Not For Free (Language Alert!)

•August 16, 2009 • Leave a Comment

There is an article in the September edition of Glamour magazine about the phenomenon of young women who are pathologically willing to hook-up with strangers online for casual, faceless, highly suspect and risky sex. As if we needed further proof of the sorry state of modern society, here it is: more proof of the sorry state of modern society.

I know the saying–to each his own. But you don’t have to be Judy Jesus-Freak to know that there is something seriously wrong with this phenomenon. As I was reading this article, one of the interviewees said that she enjoyed being able to screw “without worrying about a commitment”.

What?

Women nowadays call this “empowering”. I call it “sad”. Yes, I’m unlucky in love as it were (without going too deeply into detail of my romantic  dysfunction) and I definitely feel like I’m cruising on the short bus through life. But I’d really rather be a spinster than roaming around as some walking wounded person tossing her body around for all takers–and still coming up empty-handed. But then again, I’m a prude. This Glamour article made mention of one such empowered online sex-seeker who is very careful as she uses condoms, spermicide, the pill and has regular HIV tests just to be, you know, safe.

Again: what?

It’s the equivalent of proclaiming “You can fuck me, just don’t touch me…and then take your fleas and go.”

Whatever happened to just having sex with the one you love or, if you don’t have one of those, letting your fingers (or the Rabbit, whatever) do the lovin’? This whole phenomenon is quite telling of everything that’s wrong with our society. So many people want something for nothing, the old Path of Least Resistance. People all over are shouting “I’m no good at relationships so I’ll settle for hookups. No muss, no fuss!”

It’s like that old Walk of Shame commercial (what were they advertising, again?) has taken over the country. Again, I’m kind of a prude and this commercial was actually kind of funny. But it strikes me as a laughing-to-keep-from-crying sort of thing. Does it really feel that great to saunter out of some stranger’s apartment (or wake up in your own bed to the lingering stench of another beer-addled soul, rumpled sheets…and nothing else)? But you be the judge. I can only speak for myself.

In theory, it all sounds great. Free Love! But love isn’t free, really. Neither should sex be, if you want my opinion (and I don’t mean that in the sense of a woman using her cooch as a slot machine or charging a literal admissions fee). But, to me, it should be about trust, honesty, communication, joy and, yes, love–I’m old-fashioned; kill me. Nowadays sex seems so vulgar, hostile, clinical and compulsory. I feel like I wasn’t made for these times.

Love isn’t free. Sure, love can be unconditional but it costs to love someone–to give and to take love. It costs time, it costs energy, space, words, emotion, ego, money, comfort, peace. You can give and receive love with no conditions (or with stipulations and expectations, if you prefer) but love costs everything–all of you. People want the perks–sex, companionship, the beer and skittles–without the price. But to me the ransom yet the reward of love is your humanity.

The state of love in this country has become, in a word, disheartening.

Poverty.

•August 5, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Today I’ve been reading about Atlanta and its eradication of its public housing projects. As an Atlanta resident, I wanted to know more about this initiative and learn about how it was going over (perhaps insert link to Yahoo’s video essay on the subject). After viewing an Associated Press Video Essay and reading this New York Times article online, I have to take a moment to ponder the implications, consequences and general feelings brought about by what’s going on.

As I perused the web for articles on the subject, my initial reaction to the plight of the displaced residents was blase at best, snide at worst.  No one gets a free lunch in this life, I thought.  It made me wonder why. Why do poor people allow their lives to unfold in this way? What could they be doing that perhaps they aren’t doing to allow their children and grandchildren to perpetuate the poverty cycle? Why fuck around and have babies when you’re busted-ass poor! Every virulent strain of the myth of meritocracy swirled around in my head until I managed to get the better of myself.

There are several valid criticisms of the Atlanta Housing Authority’s initiative to raze the projects and replace them with mixed-income housing that, in theory, could integrate former project residents into more upwardly-mobile and life-affirming environs. Many believe that this plan does not do enough to improve the standard of living for former residents. Others complain that the initiative is rooted more so in financial interests of developers and those who stand to profit from the gentrification of the surrounding areas. Others still maintain that the AHA’s plan is blatantly racist, as public housing residents tend to be overwhelmingly African-American, thus making the bulldozing and forced relocation of project residents a violation of the Fair Housing Act.

However, those in favor of (and those implementing) the CATALYST Program, as it’s called in Atlanta, cite evidence of an increased standard of living of those former residents living in mixed-income communities on government-subsidized rent. Better neighborhoods, increased health and productivity have been in the offing for some participants of this program. Both sides of the argument are compelling and are addressed in greater detail in this article in Creative Loafing, Atlanta’s alternative magazine. As such I want to write less about the finer points of the issue and think about this whole thing philosophically.

Anytime the question of poverty arises, it can be counted upon that people will bring their own personal baggage to the discussion panel. How does society treat those less fortunate? Is it fair? Should it be fair?

My knee-jerk reaction to any debate about poverty is that each person is responsible for his/her station in life. If a person is mired in poverty, who’s problem–nay, who’s fault–is that? This is a response that I’m a bit ashamed of but it’s deeply ingrained in me.  I grew up poor, without really acknowledging it. I can’t say that, as a child, I was unaware of it–kids see more than adults give them credit for. I knew there were things that I wanted that I couldn’t have because the money wasn’t there.  Things could have definitely been worse for us but still, they’d have maybe been better for me if I could have had that Casio keyboard I’d wanted as a kid or if I maybe had trendier clothes. But there was a difference for us. Our mother never used the p-word around us. She never made us feel that we were less-than because we had less stuff. In fact, she’d often say that we could have whatever we were willing to work for. She made sure we were bussed to higher-performing, better quality schools, nurtured a love for learning, reading and creativity in us that made us believe that there was more out there. She’d object to me referring to us as having been poor back in those days.

The point is that, though I was poor, I felt removed from it. Though I’m poor now I still feel removed from Poverty. I make less than $30,000 a year, I own no car, my credit has plummeted in the past several months and I’m in debt. I’m poor. Yet and still, my first response in reading articles about the poor in Atlanta draws disdain from me. Why? The answer is that I don’t know. Maybe I feel like it’s not my problem. I’m poor but not because I’m not working or because I’m uneducated so somehow I’m different.

I’m coming to believe, of course, that it is my problem–that it’s everyone’s problem. Some people question the point in eradicating poverty on the behalf of those who can’t eradicate it for themselves. There are still people who are not in favor of investing in the rebuilding and revitalization of New Orleans. There are many among us who don’t care what happens to countries in Africa; so many of their governments are under the thumb of corrupt Big Man dictators and their cronies–why should we take care of them if they can’t take care of ourselves?

I believe the answer to that question is because it’s right.

I’m thinking about this past series of the BBC sci-fi hit Torchwood. The premise of this season was an intriguing one for me. Aliens, known as the 456, have touched down in London wreaking havoc and mind control on its children and children around the globe.  It is revealed that the aliens want a tribute of 10% of the Earth’s children. Without it, the 456 will release a lethal virus, wiping out mankind. It’s a classic dilemma of the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few.  What’s the loss of several millions of children and grief of mothers worldwide if it saves the collective skins of the planet? That’s a hard question to ask and, to many, a hard demand to deny. The aspect of these episodes that I found most fascinating–and most chilling–was the closed-door cabal of government officials deciding upon  which children were expendable (none of theirs, naturally) and how to spin it to a petrified citizenry. Naturally, a consensus is reached that children from the lowest performing districts, with the least socially-viable communities would be sacrificed for the lives of others. A no-brainer. Who’ll miss the poor kids who won’t be doctors or lawyers but will most likely be inmates, pubcrawlers and general drains on a society (humanity) that can’t bear the cost of bearing that lot? Plausible. Pragmatic. But cold.

As I was watching this, it occurred to me that I wouldn’t want to be a part of a society, a race, that wouldn’t fight for the lives of every child–even those on the low end of the totem pole. Especially those on that end. We care because we have to. It’s what makes us human not robot or machine.

I’d imagine that many people believe that it is our duty as a society to bear up those who can’t–or perhaps, simply won’t, bear up themselves.  The thing many of us can’t agree on is how to do it. Some would favor the CATALYST program as it prods those in the projects to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and to make their own way, with a little nudge from the government. Others favor not demolishing public housing, something that people need in order to stave off homelessness and the break down of community, a collective of other disaffected folks who rely upon this housing to survive. Personally, I fall into the former camp but realize that it is not without its adverse and challenging side effects. It’s up to each of us–it’s our moral duty, I believe–to go forth and make our own way. Taking in hand the talents each of us have, we are obligated to be a fruitful as we can, even if we fail. I’ve only come to believe that very recently and I am ready to move forward. But I’m also becoming more ready to give to those who maybe have tried and failed already or who simply have yet to or cannot try. I don’t know how yet but I simply want to give. That’s the only thing I can think of to do about poverty.

Lo and Behold…

•July 26, 2009 • Leave a Comment
...lo

...lo

Ever heard of lo-fi?

This is nothing new to indie music devotees, punk enthusiasts or music snobs possessed of a violent disdain for anything Pro-Tools or auto-tune-assisted. But the lo-fi thing is new to me. This fertile and subversive genre of inventively or, ya know, cheaply recorded tunes has turned me around a bit. Seriously, you don’t have to be a studio rat or a computer whiz just to make music any more?! I won’t try to go into details on the history of this genre of music; I wouldn’t do it justice. I’ll simply post a link regarding the history of lo-fi right…here.

Thus, I’ve been scouring the web for information about DIY musicians and lo-fi practitioners. My interest in do-it-yourself music grew from the realization that if I were to follow my dream and create music the way I wanted to, I’d probably have to go indie…wayyyy indie.

I just turned 29 this past Monday so even if I wanted to be a pop star, at this stage in the game, it ain’t gonna happen. I didn’t want to spend the last year of my free-wheelin’ 20s trying to whittle myself down to a nub, glad-handing at Atlanta singer-songwriter networking “events” or scouring craigslist for hack beatmakers and cut-rate recording studios just so I could demo some stuff I wrote. I wanted to just do it. Not in an effort to be famous but just because I want to contribute. I’ve written songs that mean alot to me and I’ve learned about 13 guitar chords (6 of them I can actually use easily). I just want to sing out.

Lots of great artists come from a do-it-yourself tradition including Liz Phair, Ani DiFranco, M.I.A and, one of my new favorites, Kimya Dawson of The Moldy Peaches. This doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of lo-fi allstars…including the band actually called The Lo-Fi Allstars but I’m really excited that artists are reclaiming the music scene and doing things their way.  To me, it’s a great antidote to the overly polished and sickeningly clinical mainstream pop, rock, R&B and rap; the latter genre being, in my opinion, the chief culprit and contributor to the shabby state that music is in today (oh, but this rant is for another blog post altogether).

Phew! Cooling off now, here is a link to a snarky little page about the lo-fi aesthetic and how You,Too! can get as lo-tech as you please.

Life Without Money

•July 23, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I have just been reading the most fascinating article. Here is a link to it.

It’s about a man who’d been living in the Utah mountains, without money, for nine years. This article strikes a chord with me as someone who’s living the American Reality–a work-a-day life in which I’m amassing a mountain of debt as I draw a breath every second.  Often, I dream of what it would be like to live above debt, above credit ratings, above a job that I like reasonably well but would just as soon trade for a life of literature and banging on my guitar. Reading this article on Mr. Daniel Suelo, the mountain man of Moab, Utah, makes me wonder what it would be like to live without the basic trappings of American Life. It would be a comparative hardship to your average citizen–no electricity, no indoor plumbing, no central air, foraging for castoffs and living off of the land as perhaps our ancestors did.  This intrigues me.

When you think about it, there are so many things that we take for granted that we probably could live without–albeit with relative difficulty, given our ingrained attachment to modern conveniences. Reading the words of this modern day prophet/bum (depending upon your individual perspective) made me think quite a bit.  Recounting his past to an astonished reporter,  Mr. Suelo’s personal philosophy becomes plain: our money system is impoverishing us.

In his experiences as a Peace Corp worker in Ecuador, he has seen villagers cash in the fruits of nature and the sweat of their brows for bags of MSG, television sets, refined sugar and other non-essentials that wreak havoc on their health.  A man who holds an anthropology degree and once  dreamed of being a doctor has come to find it vulgar to accept money for lending a helping hand to those in need.  He keeps a Bible for personal reading and enrichment and practices a brand of Christ-like philosophy that your average megachurch attendee would blanch at.  (To be sure, I count myself a prospective Christ-follower but I winced at the bits of this article describing bug bites and sleeping among scorpions.)

Mr. Suelo has come to believe that money represents lack. It is always a product of the past (in the form of debt) and the future (credit) but never of the present. This is something I think about alot. I never seem to have money,or at least, money that is truly mine. My earnings are always ear-marked for rent and utilities that must be paid. It’s a system I’ve bought into–I do, after all,  enjoy a roof over head and the electricity that empowers me to bam out this blog post from home. But would life be more rewarding or fulfilling if I weren’t so taken with the creature comforts of life? Wouldn’t it be freeing if, after reading this article, I was inspired to quit my job post haste and take to the mountains of North Georgia to live in harmony and poverty with nature? Mr. Suelo’s life without money strikes me as quite wise and very courageous. I don’t have the stones for it as of now. But how awesome would it be if I did?

Welcome to the Post-Michael Jackson Age.

•June 29, 2009 • Leave a Comment
Pop Auteur 1958-2009

Pop Auteur 1958-2009

In the past week The Celebrity Reaper has struck again in his normal 3-At-A-Time way:

1) Ed McMahon

2) Farrah Fawcett

3) Michael Jackson

*yes, that Michael Jackson.

Three major losses in short span of each other. At the time that I’m typing this, news broke of the passing of exuberant TV pitchman Billy Mays. His widow beseeches us and the media to not invade her privacy and to give the family space to mourn. Not to lessen anyone’s legacy but the world still has their hands full in coping with the losses of three media icons. Billy Mays can, in a sense, rest in peace.

Grown-ups remember Ed McMahon as Johnny Carson’s ace on the Tonight Show. Gen X-ers and sometimes Y-ers know him as the Star Search man. He was the harbinger of Britney Spears (back when she could sing), Lacey Chabert (I recall that she killed for a while on that show) and the proto-Destiny’s Child known as Girls Tyme. McMahon also bore witness to Aaliyah being unceremoniously dismissed with the dreaded 2.25 stars (if my memory serves me) to some dude that no one but his loved ones remembers.

God, I loved that show! That was Event Television for us Walker babies. This was back during the time of Saturday morning cartoons, Toys R Us commercials and cereal box prizes that you didn’t have to send away for. This was the 80s–back when being a kid was still kind of magical. Damn, Reaper! Not Ed McMahon.

Farrah Fawcett was a bit before my time, unfortunately. She was the flaxen feathered-haired Venus of the 70s and I’m an 80s baby. Still, she must be respected and admired for steering her career out of Jiggle TV Land and into accomplished Capital-A Actress status. Such a shame that she’s gone–and to cancer no less. Goodnight, Angel.

Fawcett’s death ruled the headlines and the blogosphere until news flashed of the death of the world’s most famous entertainer.

Michael Jackson.

It took a while for the news to sink in. TMZ posted his death announcement first so I was wary of believing it. Then, like a domino trail-one by one- other more credible news sources began spreading the word.

Michael Jackson–gone.

While it struck me as a bit morbid and sensationalist the way in which the media exploded the news–even as his death hadn’t officially been confirmed, the obits and eulogies were flooding the web for all to see–I couldn’t tear away from the coverage. Michael Jackson belonged to everyone and, thus, no one. Our idol, our inspiration, our pop martyr is dead at 50 of a cardiac arrest. My thoughts upon reading the news were of a fragile, pale, middle aged man watching the wretched news–North Korea’s intent to obliterate the U.S and the unrest from Iran’s failed experiment in “democracy”–thinking of his children and his heart simply crumbling. An idealist, a perfectionist, a magician like Michael Jackson is not long for a world like ours. There’s only so much a dreamer can take.

He was controversial. A mad-genius. A man-child. A weirdo. Many people believe he’s a violator, a child molester and a freak. Many more, I can imagine, don’t believe that…or simply don’t care either way. As Dave Chapelle exclaimed once, in a send-up of celebrity justice and the black community, “he did Thriller.”

There it is.

He did Thriller. Who else continues to break such musical, performance and cultural ground? Beyonce? I don’t think so. MJ gave us the effin’ moonwalk. That was unheard of! Who does that? There will never be another King of Pop. There will always be Justin Timberlakes and Ushers who chase after the legacy–and dipshits like Kanye West and will.i.am who’ll seek to aggrandize themselves  while tarnishing the King’s jewels. I dare anyone not to puke while listening to their “contributions” to the 25th Anniversary edition of Thriller. Try not to cry for the shabby state of (black) music after watching June 28th’s BET ’09 Awards–an alleged “tribute” to MJ that won’t leave his spirit longing to commune with the so-called entertainers of this age.

Now that the shock of Michael’s untimely demise has sunk in, news outlets have already begun the process of The Aftermath–asking Why, How and What Next.Now it’s time to pick up the pieces, scrutinize their shapes and clasp them together into some Bigger Picture.

Michael may have been drowning in unimaginable debt (to the tune of $400 million but whose business is that, really?). His kids have never seen their father –The King of Pop, the Greatest Entertainer of All–perform live…and now they never will. He may have been struggling with painkiller addiction but one can imagine that MJ had loads of pain to kill. Yet none of that matters anymore.

Not long from now, the world will move on.

We’ll have his music, his majestic, cinematic videos to sustain us. We’ll continue to bear witness to the indelible imprint he’s left on current artists and the dreamers to follow. It will be a pale imitation, a sincere form of flattery that will simply have to do. There will never be another Michael Jackson but perhaps there will be another seminal artist, another magician, another dreamer in his own rite to come in Jackson’s wake.

However, in my opinion, it’s doubtful.

Welcome to the Post-Michael Jackson Age. It’s still all too surreal.

 
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